This post was taken from an earlier post entitled Who Said Marriage Was Easy?
Why do older marriages fall apart? One of the greatest life-lessons I have learned is this: life is difficult. I didn’t get that for many years. Once I found that out, life became a little less difficult because I stopped striving for the perfect, problem-free life. I think the same thing can be said for marriage. Marriage can be difficult too.
Do you know of any older marriages that you thought were rock solid, crumble? It is sadly interesting. It seems that many older marriages fall apart around the 25th year anniversary. I’m not sure why this is. I have theories but no hard evidence. Maybe it’s because you begin to realize that life is short and you only get one chance. The kids are grown (or almost) and life changes from family unit to couple-hood once again and you find you don’t really know each other. All the unresolved, sometimes dysfunctional, issues have surfaced or continue to rear their ugly heads and it’s suddenly doesn’t seem worth the effort.
The interesting thing about this 25th year mark is that it’s usually the woman who wants out. Contrary to popular belief, and once again I’m theorizing here, it’s not the mid-life crisis man who has found a younger woman. It’s the woman. I think menopause makes a woman have some crazy times, and just like they tell you right after you have surgery…don’t make any major decisions for 24 hours post-opt. I’m thinking you gotta give the menopause thing a little longer than 24 hours, but it definitely applies.
I recently learned about the marital problems of a couple I have known since they were dating. They have been married 27 years. I was stunned. In fact, I was in such shock that I thought we were talking about another couple I didn’t know as well. It caused me grief and sadness.
I know in my heart that they will find their way through this storm and they will be better and stronger because of it. Often in the midst of troubles and issues, in fact, sometimes because of them, comes growth and learning and hopefully healing if we allow it to be so.
This couple ended up getting a divorce after all. They have both moved on and seem to be happy in their new lives. Do you know of a couple like this? Perhaps you were a part of one of these couples. Please share your thoughts.
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