When You Say “I Do”

Warning rant ahead.

So you decided to get married. A wedding was more than likely the next logical step. This means at some point during the ceremony, you probably said “I do”. Do you know what you said “I do” to?

When You Say "I Do"

Unless you wrote your own vows, there is a good chance you promised your soon-to-be-spouse you would “love and honor and forsake all others as long as you both shall live”, or something very similar.

So what happened?

Why am I seeing pictures on Facebook with your “new family” when neither of you are officially divorced?

And what about you, finding a “new love” while waiting for the judge to sign the papers? It’s okay to be alone, to be single for a while after getting divorced. In fact, there is much wisdom in doing so.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sad for you both, and the children you have together. I know the dissolving of your family caused a lot of pain for you all.

So what about the kids…yours, hers, his? Do you even care that you broke up two families?

And what makes you think that this new “love of my life” won’t dump you too when he meets another “hottie” who happens to catch his fancy? He did it once with you. What makes you think he won’t do it again to you?

Sure I know that not every marriage is going to work. I’m NOT saying never, under any circumstance, get a divorce. That’s unrealistic and totally unfounded. But my question is: how can you “fall in love” with someone else when you promised to “forsake all others”?

Are these merely empty words that you were agreeing to? Did they carry any weight at all? Did you even hear them or were you simply caught up in the wedding hoopla; the few hours before the ever after begins?

Marriage is hard, not going to lie, not for the faint of heart. It’s often more about the commitment than the mushy feelings that tend to fade after time anyway.

And some folks try…they try hard for years but to no avail. There are times when separating yourself from an unhealthy relationship is merited, needed, in fact. I’m not talking about that.

Not judging. Not my place. I just wonder if you really thought it through…

I recently heard some celebrity-type folks talking about how open marriage is the wave of the future. Really? Why? Why get married if you have no intention of being faithful to your spouse? What would be the point? Why not just keep doing what you’ve always done? Why tie the knot if it is going to so easily come undone?

I know, I know, I’m old fashioned, right? I need to join the twenty-first century.

Well some things never go out of style. Honoring your commitments would be one of those things.

Just an idea.

End of rant.


photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/lifeinaflashbyshaeree/2623999317/”>Photography By Shaeree</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>



4 thoughts on “When You Say “I Do””

  1. I am standing at my laptop with a slow clap and yelling out “BRAVO BRAVO!!!”. I love this. I love love love this. It’s wise, authentic, true, thoughtful, and brave- your heart and your message are to be applauded my friend. I stand behind your every word.

  2. Hello Laurie. Thank you for visiting my blog and for commenting because it lead me to you and this post! My husband of 16 years and I are currently separated and it is hard on the kids, very hard. I never thought I’d be in this place, but I am and now I’m trying to put it all together and figure out what to do. I haven’t found a “new love” nor am I looking for one but none the less this post still speaks to me. Thank you again!

    • I am terribly sorry you are going through this incredibly difficult time. How hard it must be on your kids. I will say a prayer for you and your family to find direction, wisdom and comfort as you put it all together.


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