What I Do

On December 22, 2010 a woman lost her husband. He was a truck driver, making one more run before Christmas. For reasons unknown his truck left the road and hit a concrete object on the side of the road. He died at the site of the accident.

I was struck by the sadness of it all when we spoke with the family at the visitation. My heart went out to them. Having just experienced loss of my own I wanted to let this woman know that she was not forgotten, even after all the hoopla died down, the cards stopped being delivered, and flower arrangements and meals lovingly prepared by family and fellow church-goers, stopped coming. I wanted her to know I still remembered her pain.

As hard as it is those first few days, the funeral, and saying good-bye, the hard part comes when you have to get out of bed every day and do the things you know to do, over and over again, without the one you love and lost.

We as a society tend to put time limits on grief. We don’t like it. It makes us uncomfortable, so we only allow it to go on for so long. Grief is very personal. People deal with it differently. It takes time.

I commmitted to this woman who had lost her husband, at the first of 2011, to weekly send her a note and some cash for one year…the note just so she would know she wasn’t forgotten. It was quite a year. There were times I had no idea what I would say to her until I put pen to paper. Occassionally I would miss a week and double up on the money with a note of apology and explanation.

I feel the urge to do this with Dylan’s mom, the note part anyway, however, I don’t know her well. After much thought and contemplation I’m thinking I might do it here. I will write a weekly note to her on this blog.

As for the New Year…may you be blessed with good health, good relationships and a contented and peaceful life, with lessons learned along the way, of course. Just saying.