The Pain of Addiction – An Essay
The pain of life, the shadows, and looking, always looking. What will make it better? What will ease the pain? Just once more and then I’m done.
The time comes. The deed is done. Instantly, as if by magic, the feelings of euphoria come rushing in. Briefly, the reason for living has been revealed.
And then it’s gone.
The fleeting, flitting feelings of gratitude and satisfaction, gone like a vapor. In their place comes pain, guilt and shame. What have I done? Again. How could I have stooped so low? What has my life become, the shame whispers quietly in your ear.
Who knows my secret? Who has seen me lurking in the shadows? Will they find out? They can’t find out! What if someone does? What if I lose my job, my family, and all that I hold dear? What will happen to me then?
I will be alone. Abandoned – left to do life on my own. God, why have you forsaken me?
I am here.
There is hope. There is peace. The light, over there, at the end of the tunnel. I barrel toward it, knowing this time things will be different.
Almost there, this journey ended, never to raise it’s ugly head again. This secret life that I’ve been living is only a brief wrinkle in the timeline of my life.
Wait…I’m okay. I’ve got this. It’s not a problem. Everyone does it. It helps me unwind. I deserve this.
Then the hand of loneliness and self-contempt reaches once again for the very thing that has ensnared time and time again.
And the cycle continues.
But it’s not the end really. Are you familiar with this cycle? Do you live with someone whose life looks just like this? Is the burden of carrying this load getting heavier? Do you feel alone?
The pain of addiction is real, so painfully, blatantly real. Whether the addiction is yours or someone you love, it doesn’t really matter. It affects all who are close. The powerless feelings that are a part of you and the sensation that your life is spiraling out of control…
Control is a farce. You have none, especially over addiction.
Addiction is a buzzword these days. Everything’s an addiction.
Whether it is or isn’t, it’s painful nonetheless.
Are you living with the pain of addiction? Yours or someone you know? Are you weary to the bone?
Ask for help.
I am honored to journey with women as they make changes to live an authentic life of freedom.