Marriage Can Be Hard


Marriage can be difficult for some. For others, it seems to flow easier. I’ve been married 43 years, and have survived it. Not going to lie, I’ve gone through some extremely hard times. It sometimes feels like A lot of women I have talked to over the years express feelings of entrapment. Some have even said they often feel like POWs which may be over the top, but I get it. But these women are brave. They re-up every year.

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Where did we get the idea that marriage was supposed to be easy, anyway? I wrote a post several years ago called, Love Is Like A 401K. Click on the link to find out why!

One of the greatest life-lessons I have learned is simply this: life is difficult. I didn’t know that for many years. In fact, I learned that in my early thirties. Once I found discovered that tidbit, life became a little less difficult because I stopped striving for the perfect, problem-free life. I think the same thing can be said for marriage.

I have watched as many long-term, seemingly solid marriages begin to crumble and oftentimes deteriorate over the years. Christian marriages. Couples who claim to be following Christ. I’m not saying they aren’t but why are Christian marriages suffering the same causalities as those who claim no affiliation to the Church? It’s a sad thing.

Perhaps these couple that have been married a couple of decades begin to realize Life Is Short and you only get one life to live. Instead of investing in their families and marriages, they make a mad-grab at the things they think they’re missing out on. Which is sad too. This is not our eternal home and those things won’t matter in the end.

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There seems to be a correlation with the time the kids are grown (or almost) and life changes from family unit to couple-hood once again. The cracks begin to become more evident. Perhaps too, that is when you find out that you don’t really know each other the way you once did or the couple has grown apart. It takes intentionality to invest in the coupleship during the high demands of raising kids. All the unresolved and sometimes dysfunctional issues can resurface or continue to rear their ugly heads when the kids go away to college or simply move out on their own, and it’s suddenly too much to take.

Menopause may play a part but that may be better for another post but let me just say that the same post-op advice should apply to menopausal women…don’t make any major decisions for 24 hours after surgery. I’m thinking you gotta give the menopause thing a little longer than 24 hours, but it definitely applies.

Yesterday I was told about the marital problems of a couple I have known since they were dating. They have been married 27 years. I was stunned. In fact, I was in such shock that I thought we were talking about another couple that I didn’t know so well. It caused me grief and sadness. I wanted to shout, “I get it, I understand. It’s okay, it won’t always be this way”, but who am I to say, and how do I even know that?

I know in my heart of hearts that they will find their way through this storm and they will be better and stronger because of it. Even amidst the troubles and issues,  in fact because of them, comes growth and learning.

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And after all, isn’t that what life’s all about, growth and learning through the hard stuff. Who said marriage was easy anyway?

I am a ordained minister, certified life coach, a podcast who talks with people weekly about dealing with hard situations. Those things, along with my life experience and passion to walk with wives in hard marriages, I would be honored to walk with you. Let me know how I can be in this with you.

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