Living In The Cracks

Have you ever hear of the phrase “in the cracks”? Let me give you a point of reference. Some of my writer friends who feel called to write, sometimes say they have to find the time to write. It feels like they write in the cracks. That’s what living in the cracks feels like.

What this phrase means to them when it comes to writing is that although they are passionate about writing, other things take precedence over that activity, such as diapers, homework, and cooking dinner. All the everyday, mundane things that are required and necessary that have to come before writing, so they find time to write “in the cracks” while the baby is napping, while dinner is in the oven, or while sitting in the car line to pick up the kids from school.

I was thinking you, the wife of an addict, and along the lines of living in the cracks of life when it comes to chaos and dysfunction. All of your life isn’t dysfunctional. There is normalcy in many things about your life amid the chaos. Even in your marriage. I get that you may live with an addict or alcoholic whether in active recovery or not, but there is still normalcy. Don’t miss that.

Even if your husband has relapsed, there is still life to live,

Kids to tend to.

Work to go to.

Life still happens whether there is chaos going on or not. Click To Tweet

With that in mind, how would it look for you to live in the cracks? What would you do in the cracks of your life that would nourish your soul? What can you do to feed your spirit that would make you feel alive in spite of the chaos that is going on around you?

It is so very important to be able to answer those questions because life isn’t all about recovery, addiction and chaos, even though, at times, it may seem like it.

You are more than the chaos. You are more than the dysfunction. You are more than whether your husband is acting out or not. You are more than the pain that the addiction has caused you. Click To Tweet

Please hear my heart. If you have gone through any of those things, I am not dismissing them at all, nor am I suggesting you dismiss either. I am not diminishing the horrific events that have taken place in your life. I know what you have gone through is far beyond any words you may have to express the depth of the grief you feel. I get that you may not be able to find the words to adequately describe the many ways these things have changed you and how you see the world.

But, just for a moment, imagine that you can detach from the things, from the events, from the pain, and find a place of peace and joy. What if you get to choose when you take those painful times off the shelves of your life to process them? What if you get to say how you will navigate and go forth with the one and only life you have been given to live?

Because, my friend, you do~

This may be a new concept for you, and perhaps even beyond your ability to grasp at the moment. I get that too. Maybe you are in the beginning stages of discovery or disclosure about the secret life you husband has kept hidden. The shock and trauma can take months to overcome, and your emotions an unpredictable amount of time to level out , but you will get past this. It doesn’t depend on what your husband chooses to do or not to do.

It doesn’t depend on whether you stay married or not.

The shock and trauma will become less prominent as you continue doing the things you need to do to heal. Click To Tweet


As an ordained minister and certified life coach ( I prefer Hope Coach), I walk alongside wives of sex addicts and I would be honored to walk with you too. Reach out and let me know how I can help. And if you know of someone who would benefit from this post, would you please pass it on to them?

Thank you for reading, sharing and most importantly, living in the cracks of life.

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