I Am Not

I started the day with this thought; “What do you do when something is so big it will have to be all God, depending totally on Him, but it seems like, at the moment anyway, it’s all you?”

I am not, not enough, you can't do this on your own. you are not alone, when the thing is too big, Jesus already paid the price, knowing we are not enough, freedom in knowing we are not enough

That’s where I was yesterday thinking about my life. I can’t fathom how it’s supposed to go, much less work out in the end. There is a situation in my life where I am required to make a choice but I don’t like the options because I am not equipped to be successful at any choice I make.

And then it hit me, that’s exactly where I’m supposed to live. That is the place where I was supposed to land…and take root. I am not.

Can you relate? Are you living in a place where there is so much chaos that demands you to make a decision, a HARD choice and the reason it’s so hard is that no matter what the outcome, there will be people this decision will hurt? People you love will get hurt. It doesn’t even matter that you never wanted to be in this position. You are. And people are going to get hurt. Even more people than who are already hurting.

You probably know too that as much as it depends on us, we are ill-equipped. But it doesn’t depend on us alone. If we can stay with that thought as our anchor, then we’re good. Here’s the thing, though, we can’t stay there. It isn’t humanly possible. We can only desire to be there. We can only follow the Lord there. We can only stay open to what He desires to do and His will for our lives because I am not and neither are you.

Here’s the thing too…that applies to us all in every situation.

As long as we are looking at our own strengths and abilities to do this mammoth thing in our lives, we are defeated before we even begin. But if we choose to look to Him, (“When I am weak, I am strong”), when we choose to allow Him to do the work in our hearts, minute by minute every day that we live, then we will find success. It’s only in Him. Because I am not.

And if that wasn’t enough of a way to begin my day, I read this in New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp’ “Your rest is not to be found in figuring your life out, but in trusting the One who has it all figured out for your good and His glory”.

And I was off again because I am not able to do this thing on my own.

I don’t have to have it all figured out, which is brilliant because, on a good day, I can’t even wrap my mind around the magnitude of it all. The beauty comes, indeed the rest comes, from trusting the One Who knows me well, who knew me in my mother’s womb before I breathed my first breath. My strength, courage and my ability…my sufficiency comes only when “I trust in the One who has it all figured out for my good and His glory”.

Because I am not.

This I am not concept brings freedom. It is only when we accept and acknowledge our not enough-ness that we can surrender to what Jesus did on the cross and through His resurrection.

If you are struggling in your marriage or family relationships, then take heart. You are not enough to do this alone. Better still, you don’t have to.

This article appeared in Not A Perfect Life (my other blog).

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