Get Real

If you follow this blog you know we bought a house recently.

New HouseIt’s been a journey to get to the place where I could say those words. At one point along this road I felt I would never say them at all because the trip was long. And let’s get real, at another point I really didn’t care if I said them or not because I didn’t care if I lived or died. No, that’s not true, my friends, not true at all, there was a period of time, months perhaps, that I honestly and fervently prayed to die EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I look at those words now and I am shocked, embarrassed almost, that I wanted to die. It seems so shallow, and I knew it was then. In my sane times I knew that there more people who had it way worse than I, people who had lost way more than I had, even though my family had lost our home.

The story is long, not very pretty, and old…very old. Short version…we owned rental properties. In 2008 we joined the ranks and made the decision to let the banks take them back. Unfortunately (and stupidly) we listened to the wrong people and ended up losing our personal home as well. Read about it here.

Fast forward three years -which is the amount of time one must wait after a foreclosure before a bank will loan money toward a house-and we began the hunt. I told the story of how we had two offers on two houses that we were anxiously awaiting a few days ago. One I loved and the other a great deal and location.

The one I loved didn’t make sense for our family, not really. It wasn’t a great fit and it was more than we wanted to spend. We had grown accustomed to having a landlordfix the broken whatever and liked saving money. We are wiser for the three years we have spent in the wilderness, the wilderness of not owning a house.

Here’s where I get real people, I loved the house we didn’t get for several reasons. It was move-in ready. It was in the country where we lived for 13 years, in the house we lost. It had a great pool. It had a nice fire pit. It had elbow room. I loved those things about that house because it reminded me of the home we lost, only better.

When we moved from that house my kids were 20, 18 and 14. My two oldest had spent their teen years in the house we lost. They had the pool, the fire pit and room to have their friends over and do what they wanted. My 14 year old missed out on that.

That is what I hated most about losing the house. It wasn’t just about me and what I had lost. It was about my kids…and more to the point, my youngest. I wanted to give him back what we had lost. I wanted to make it up to him.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t give him back those three years. I’m not God. I don’t have the power or ability to do that. As much as I wanted to give him the same teen years my other two had experienced, and spare them all the pain of the loss, I don’t have that power. I had to let it go.

That was when I became ready to make the best decision for our family.

What took me so long to get real?

 

18 thoughts on “Get Real”

  1. Oh, Laurie. I am so sorry to hear about the struggles you’ve endured. I think at times. the world seems very dark for many different reasons and that you’ve come out of the dark moments, that’s the most important thing. I don’t think it’s shallow. It’s real. It’s where you were at – at that moment in time. As for the house, I get that. I wanted so badly to keep my kids in the house they were born into and I know that our recent move has affected them. I also know that in our “big picture” I made the right choice for us and I pray that your big picture is the right choice for your children and family as well. I’m betting it is, especially since you were listening to yourself this time – and not others.

    Reply
    • Good words, Ilene, I like when someone gets it. Yeah, definitely the right choice. It’s hard to fathom one can go from wanting to die to loving their life in the span of a couple of years. Thanks for your heartfelt words.

      Reply
  2. Oh, Laurie. I am so sorry to hear about the struggles you’ve endured. I think at times. the world seems very dark for many different reasons and that you’ve come out of the dark moments, that’s the most important thing. I don’t think it’s shallow. It’s real. It’s where you were at – at that moment in time. As for the house, I get that. I wanted so badly to keep my kids in the house they were born into and I know that our recent move has affected them. I also know that in our “big picture” I made the right choice for us and I pray that your big picture is the right choice for your children and family as well. I’m betting it is, especially since you were listening to yourself this time – and not others.

    Reply
    • Good words, Ilene, I like when someone gets it. Yeah, definitely the right choice. It’s hard to fathom one can go from wanting to die to loving their life in the span of a couple of years. Thanks for your heartfelt words.

      Reply
  3. I love Ilene’s comment up there!!! Isn’t she a gem? I am so sorry too, for all you have to endure with that house mess!!! Although your son didn’t get those lovely things during those three years, perhaps he got a life lesson that God intended for him? You know God always uses our circumstances for good, so there will come a time when this experience will do him well. I believe that. And you my friend, can trust that too.

    Reply
    • Yes, I loved Ilene’s comment too. People who go through rough times definitely get it. And I know you’re right, Chris. For whatever reason, we all are better for the experience, even my then 14 year old son.

      Reply
  4. I love Ilene’s comment up there!!! Isn’t she a gem? I am so sorry too, for all you have to endure with that house mess!!! Although your son didn’t get those lovely things during those three years, perhaps he got a life lesson that God intended for him? You know God always uses our circumstances for good, so there will come a time when this experience will do him well. I believe that. And you my friend, can trust that too.

    Reply
    • Yes, I loved Ilene’s comment too. People who go through rough times definitely get it. And I know you’re right, Chris. For whatever reason, we all are better for the experience, even my then 14 year old son.

      Reply
  5. I’m so sorry to hear of all the hardships that you have had to face, endure, and suffer through. Your story makes me think of my mom, and all of her struggles. Luckily she hasn’t ever lost her house, but she was close to it due to medical bills and stuff left behind after my dad’s accident. But she suffered so much and went without so that I could have a better life than she did. Parents (especially moms) seem to put their entire being on the line so that their children can live a happy, healthy life. I’m glad to see that you and your family are getting back on your feet. Good luck!

    #SITSBlogging

    Reply
    • Thanks, Lara, it’s what life is all about. I’ve learned to go with them and learn, and pass it along. Mother’s will definitely do what they need to do for their kids. Glad you stopped by.

      Reply
  6. I’m so sorry to hear of all the hardships that you have had to face, endure, and suffer through. Your story makes me think of my mom, and all of her struggles. Luckily she hasn’t ever lost her house, but she was close to it due to medical bills and stuff left behind after my dad’s accident. But she suffered so much and went without so that I could have a better life than she did. Parents (especially moms) seem to put their entire being on the line so that their children can live a happy, healthy life. I’m glad to see that you and your family are getting back on your feet. Good luck!

    #SITSBlogging

    Reply
    • Thanks, Lara, it’s what life is all about. I’ve learned to go with them and learn, and pass it along. Mother’s will definitely do what they need to do for their kids. Glad you stopped by.

      Reply
  7. This is such a real post, so thank you for that. I’m very sentimental, so I feel as if I can relate to your struggle of being able to let go of that ideal house & life. I’m glad to hear that things are going better now, and inspired by it, too.

    Stopping by from #SITSBlogging
    Lauren

    Reply
  8. This is such a real post, so thank you for that. I’m very sentimental, so I feel as if I can relate to your struggle of being able to let go of that ideal house & life. I’m glad to hear that things are going better now, and inspired by it, too.

    Stopping by from #SITSBlogging
    Lauren

    Reply
  9. Houses are so emotional. We built two from the ground up with a total of 4 signed contracts before we closed on our first house. The last house I loved, but it was much more than the one we ended up with. It took me a while to accept we were in the house we are. Flash forward 8yrs later same house, soon to be three kids, we are in the perfect location!

    Reply

Leave a Comment