Find The Functional

I recently tuned into Way FM Radio and heard a delightful interview with Luke and Joel of For King and Country, who their mum joined to talk about their movie, Unsung Hero. Joel said something that spoke to my soul, “all families are dysfunctional. Find the functional”.

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I loved that so much because here’s the thing, no family is 100% functional or dysfunctional. No matter how jacked up a family is, there is a level of functionality. You may have to dig a little deeper to find the functional with some families but it’s there.

Some families have obvious flaws. You don’t have to look too long before discovering the dysfunction. It makes life interesting. We humans can’t be put into a box or labeled. We are created uniquely, with traits, propensities and generational junk that get passed down. We respond differently to situations and life events.

The challenge is to find the functional where dysfunction exists.

Again, not an easy thing to do, especially if you are part of a family that appears to be riddled with dysfunction. No one signs up to be part of a dysfunctional family or relationship. There isn’t a person alive who has raised their hand and said, I’ll take a dysfunctional family, please, with lots of abuse, addiction and chaos.

To find the functional in the dysfunction can be difficult at times. When you live with upside down stuff, making sense of it all can be hard if not impossible. It makes me think of the many conversations I have with individuals on Chasing Hard, Trusting God When Life Doesn’t Turn Out the Way You Planned. We spend time talking about how to find the function in the dysfunctional, even though we don’t use that phrase.

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You get to choose how to respond to the situations and circumstances life throws at you. Choosing to find the functional is one way to respond. It helps give meaning and purpose when deciding to stay or go. Finding the functional allows you to stay well, to stay the course when called to stay is your focus.

Life isn’t about what happens to you but how you respond to those things. Finding the functional is key when dealing with unpleasant life events.

How do you find the functional in your life?


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