Beyond My Blue Door

Beyond my blue door became the name of my blog about a year and a half ago. This name has significance and meaning beyond what I can explain in a few simple words. Inside my blue door is where life took place with my family for 13 years. And then it stopped. Not life itself, but life as we knew it. And then the journey began.

Beyond my blue door, life is difficult, life is hard, stay with the pain, grow with the pain, live truly, engage in life, be present

That’s not exactly true. The journey actually began more than a half of a century ago. Remarkably or perhaps regrettably is a better word, it just doesn’t stop due to circumstances within or beyond our control, whether we like it or not. It just seems like the lessons I learn, the most impacting things in my life, those things that leave a lasting impression, are those I neither wish for or ask for. I’m sure this is the case with so many others.

I find myself in a new place of learning these days, yet not so new after all, for they are lessons I’ve learned before, but have, perhaps, forgotten. Or maybe better defined is that I didn’t learn them to the extent I needed to, nor did I allow them to impact me in the way in which they needed to most.

To wish for that time back is a futile and useless exercise.

Life is a learning curve…all of it. It. Just. Is.

More so for some than others, but all of us will one day, sooner or later, have the opportunity and profound privilege of encountering these lessons that we know not of. The degree varies, the timing has a power all it’s own, but it is a given.

I once heard that God is never early. He is never late. He is exactly on time. Every time, even if I’m not prepared.

That is why this time I am paying full and close attention for I sincerely intend to engage in this period in my life, as intensely painful as it can be, to embrace it even, and grow within the circumstances, fully alert, fully aware and fully prepared to face the lessons presented.

Do I want to? Nah, not so much. But then again, yes, I do. Is it pleasant? Nope, not in the least. Is it necessary? Absolutely. Because I am not a quitter. I am not defeated. I am not hopeless. I am not alone. I will not pretend. I will not deny. I will not simply float along the sea of life in an aimless sort of way.

Instead:

I choose to live.

I choose to choose.

I choose to heal.

I choose to follow.

I choose to dream.

I choose to feel.

I choose to be present.

I choose to love.

I choose to forgive.

I choose to embrace this time.

Beyond my blue door.

2 thoughts on “Beyond My Blue Door”

  1. I find myself in a similar position recently, but when I think about it, not so recently, because it has been happening for awhile. I am just beginning to pay close attention now. This time I can speak up with confidence because of what I have learned about myself. I am not afraid this time of what may happen, because it’s just me. I am no longer a mama bear protecting her little cubs. It is just me, so I am willing to be bold and take more chances. I will go through things I would never want them to go through. Not sure about what I think will happen during this season, but trusting that God has me in his hands, so there is no fear.

    Reply
  2. I find myself in a similar position recently, but when I think about it, not so recently, because it has been happening for awhile. I am just beginning to pay close attention now. This time I can speak up with confidence because of what I have learned about myself. I am not afraid this time of what may happen, because it’s just me. I am no longer a mama bear protecting her little cubs. It is just me, so I am willing to be bold and take more chances. I will go through things I would never want them to go through. Not sure about what I think will happen during this season, but trusting that God has me in his hands, so there is no fear.

    Reply

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